Petra's Healing Journey

Hello folks, it’s been a while. A lot has happened, but I’m alive and kicking and here to give you the abridged version of my mastectomy journey.

There were a lot of complications after my surgery, both physically and psychologically. A lot of pain, and a lot of heavy drugs, which brought with it a lot of turmoil.

I was in surgery for ten hours, as there were some complications involving veins.

I had post-op insomnia which ramped up my pain massively. I had a very traumatic day in hospital when I was given 15mg of oxycodone instead of 95 which ended up as an official complaint. I got apology and excuses about being short staffed. I was very happy to get down to Moffat to my parents house.

I had hypersensitivity across my new belly boob, let’s call it my ‘noob’ from now on, and my upper arm, which felt like bad sunburn. It was totally numb but really painful at the same time.

Because I was protecting my noob with my arm, my shoulder went into spasm, and when using a wheat bag to put heat and cold on it, I managed to burn my numb noob badly. I had a huge blister. I was taking a lot of opiates for all the pain, and gabapentin for the hypersensitivity. Because of my history I was terrified of coming off them and going through withdrawals. But Vick and Mick came to my rescue with spectrum, and we got rid of that fear in a 15 minute session over the phone. Spectrum really is amazing ✨

In my drug addled haze of pain I made some questionable decisions, which, to cut a long story short, took me to the point of a breakdown.

I needed space and time alone to heal.

I asked Millie and Khalid to move out and cut myself off from the world and began putting myself back together.

But the universe wasn’t finished with me. Every time I managed to get myself up and dust myself down, it hit me with another curve ball. The last of which involved saving a deer from drowning in the sea. That put me back on my arse, both literally and metaphorically.

I was in survival mode. Anxiety attacks, and unable to eat or sleep.

All of this trauma brought about another spiritual shift. My cravings for sugar have completely gone, I wouldn’t thank you for coffee and cake, which was all I could think about during my treatments when I wasn’t allowed it. The irony is not lost on me!

I’m finally able to enjoy drinking water, and start my days with a glass of lemon water and a hot lemon, apple cider vinegar, ginger, Celtic sea salt and raw honey infusion. I have kefir for lunch and some organic fruit, and for dinner, usually vegetables and fish. If it’s not organic my system protests.

It’s back to basics.

Simplicity and solitude.

I meditate for an hour and do breathwork and energy meridian exercises every morning. This has taken me out of survival mode.

I watched a video called ‘Mind Your Own Business’, that asked you to identify three areas of your life that if improved would make a real difference to your world. I chose meditation, training my dogs (who were not in a good place after being separated from me for a month), and writing.

I hadn’t written since the day before my surgery, so I went back to my woodland retreat a couple of weeks ago and began again. It felt good.

The dogs are responding brilliantly to training and I’ve realised that the reason they were barking so much was because I was usually on my phone and not present, so they felt they needed to protect me. The phone is banned on walks now, and on peace mode much of the time or in a drawer.

One lovely thing that’s happened is that’s I made a new friend who has been a godsend during this really difficult time. One of those people that you meet and feel like you’ve known them forever. I am truly grateful to have her in my life 🙏

I have so many things to be grateful for, which is another part of my daily practice. Gratitude is so important.

My scars are healing well, although the scar from hip to hip looks a bit gruesome, and my new belly button is so tiny I can’t even get my pinky in it. I have to clean it with cotton bud.

I keep losing my prosthetic nipple. One day I found it in my slipper! 😆 Contemplating getting one made. They can gather together the skin and sew it so that it looks like a real nipple. Going to see my plastic surgeon next month to discuss how I’m healing and if I want any further surgery. I’ll probably just wait for the tattoo my neice is going to do from hip to hip and up around my boob. A flowering vine, like the one across my shoulder. I look a bit like a patchwork quilt at the moment!

I’m turning my flat into a little fairy grotto so I will blend in well 🧚‍♂️

Can’t get my tattoo until May, but I’m hibernating now anyway. Decluttering, meditating. writing and training the dogs are the only things on my agenda until spring, when I will emerge like a butterfly and fly again!

☀️ 🌸 🦋 🌻 🧚‍♂️ 🌻 🦋 🌸 ☀️